Jump, lady, jump

Wow, you guys (world) sure missed a lot of things in my life by not being me.  I mean.  I haven’t been blogging, so how could you possibly know?  It’s ok.  I’ll catch you up.

First of all, yes.  The title of this blog is none other than the best line of the Chicago Fire kid’s song.  You’re welcome.

Second, yes.  We went to the Mississippi River three weeks ago.  It was so much fun.

Third, yes.  I am absolutely going to dress up as Liz Lemon for Halloween.  You can’t even stop me.  I already have most of my costume (glasses, hair).  This is the most excited I’ve been about a thing since that first day of my first vacation when I decided to make pumpkin cookies and you can guess how excited that might have been.

Fourth, yes.  I have been wearing an orange scarf and breathing deep and noticing the leaves turn crazy yellow before they drop and get kicked around the sidewalks. 

I also burned the edges of my fingerless gloves last night like Blake told me to (W’s roommate) and it worked very well.  He said it would keep the edges from fraying.  It did, plus it involved burning, which is great.  Now the edges are crispy.  For real, I don’t know a better word to describe them than crispy.  And they are blue, which is wonderful, and the edges are crispy, and it was exactly the right kind of weather last night for burning gloves.

Fifth.  The candy I bought for Halloween at work has been a huge success.  My favorite thing these days is when someone looks inside the pumpkin and says, “Oooh, you have good candy up here!” as though all the other candy they’ve considered today is total crap.  Like all they’ve been offered so far is Bit-o-Honey and those bumpy red peanuts.  Although I like Bit-o-Honey, I tried a piece very recently.  It really does taste like a bit of honey.  So if the standard for good candy is “accurately named” and “pretty good” then it would win, hands-down, over Three Musketeers(only two ingredients) and Snickers (what).   I’m just saying.

And a thousand thousand slimy things lived on, and so did I.

That’s Coleridge.  I like it because it’s gross and the rhythm is perfect.  The line break is between things and lived.  If you’re wondering.  Anyway.  Upward, not northward!  Here we go.

I have a vacation coming up.  This is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.  There is sure to be a leisurely perusal of books I’ve already read, piping hot paper cups of caramel apple cider, and blue jeans to throw on every morning.  That’s the dream, friends.  The dream!  Not to mention waking up at 8:00 if I’d like.

I had 8 vacation days saved up.  My boss called me in the middle of the day last week or the week before and was like, “Do you know how many vacation days you have?!  You’d better use them!  Take a long weekend!  Take three!  Geez!  What, do you hate life or something?”  I don’t, so I did.  I guess I just have a tendency to save things, I don’t know.  Anyway, I have three long weekends coming up, and a day for W’s birthday, and of course all the classic holidays that normal people have.  I am looking forward to it.  Yay!

So maybe I’ll have more things to blog about besides what kind/amount of coffee I’ve had and what the weather’s like.  We’ll see.

This particular vacation coming up this weekend should be convenient.  I have a real live short story due in my class on Monday.  So I’ll have some extra time to go out and work on it I think.  I need nine copies.    This is big for me, it means I might actually finish something besides a status update, and I will show it to people who don’t share DNA with me, and invite their comments on my sentences/close friends.  Huge, right? 

And Wayne took the day off Saturday so we could take a day trip.  We’re thinking of going to the Mississippi River.  To, you know, get scared about crossing it.  I’m sure you’ll get to see the pictures on facebook.  Although we haven’t done even a smidgen of planning yet, and don’t actually know if that’s a driveable distance for a day trip.  We’ll see.

Lastly, I have started too many books, so you know, just the right amount.  I just started Dead Souls in my daily lit emails.  That should be fun.  I am also reading Bright Lights, Big City which is about drugs so far.  I always get a little lost when the subject is drugs (How much would you suggest for a first time user?   We’ll take one.  Crack.  Rock?) but so far there is enough else going on that it’s engaging.  I am also in the middle of Wise Blood.  Wayne gave me a prettier copy, and now I really want to read it.  So I have an excuse to carry the pretty copy in my bag.  It actually kind of matches my bag.  That’s nice.  So I think I’ll focus on that for now.  That, and writing my short story.  Upward, not northward!  I know.  I said it twice.

And I’m back in the game!

When I woke up this morning, two things were immediately clear:  My sinuses, one.  And two, it’s kinda chilly out.  I can’t even describe my joy.  I bounded out of bed.  I was  a happy, slobbery puppy.  I got coffee.  I did a little boogie.  I applied eye makeup with ferociousness and without fear.   I only blew my nose once.  I only blew my nose once!

To be clear.  When the weather changes, I am finally able kick allergies in the butt and lock them up in the dark depths of my soul where they hang out with existentialism and fear of failure and leave me alone for most of the year.  This is literally the first morning in months I haven’t woken up sick.  You know, choking on snot with a massive over-the-counter-med dehydration headache.   I’m suprised I didn’t complain about it more.  Oh wait.  I did.

So anyway, here I am on the first morning of my new life, what am I going to do with it?  Well, for starters, I reeeally enjoyed my coffee.  Previously I’d been enjoying my coffee the way a person in a hospital enjoys an IV.  I mean, thank goodness it’s there.   But do I like like it?  Eh.  So this morning I broke free of all that and savored every delicious sip.  It helps when you can smell it, I think, which does require breathing through your nose.  I think it also helps a little if you don’t feel exactly like the undead. 

Another thing.  I bought some new fall shoes this weekend.  Merrills, of course, the only shoe I really like to walk in.  Only $34.00 at Marshalls!  What a find!  And while I was there I picked up an orange teapot because Marshalls is the best possible place to get crazy crap when you want it.  Oh beautiful orange teapot!  I just couldn’t put it down.  Right now I have it on the printer table in my bedroom and it’s just so pretty there.  Once I made friends with somebody because I opened the conversation with, “Do you like dishes?” And continuing on past the stare, ”Because I really love dishes and just look at this spoon.  And this saucer, oh my God!”   We were at some kind of meal I think, obviously.  Sometimes I suprise myself by playing my crazy off as charming, a knack I’m really lucky to have.  Anyway, what was I saying?  Oh yes.  I love my new teapot.

So I mean, obviously this kind of thing (orange teapot by my bed, new shoes, fresh cold air in my nostrils) is going to put me in a good mood.  And then there was Josh Ritter for tunes on the Fall Playlist.  And then there is the fact that I decided to re-read some of Gilead, which always makes me happy.  And the fact that I was in fact able to locate a decent pair of matching gloves in my closet this morning.

Friends.  Today is a new day.  I can breeeeeeathe!!!!!!

Fascinating… a wonderful book.

I’m reading a new book called Netherland, by Joseph O’Neill.  It’s been well reviewed, it’s popular, whatev.  Many people I know have already read it.  Well.  I guess I could just say Wayne’s already read it, but I think he told me someone else did too, possibly Bryan.  So far it’s about New York, cricket, relationships, and murder.  And so far I’m interested in 1 out of 4 of those things (go ahead, guess) but I am still really enjoying it.  And who knows?  Maybe life and books will make me a New York or cricket fan yet.

Confession:  My favorite thing about this book is a red circle sticker stuck to the front cover.  The sticker reads: “Fascinating… A wonderful book.” -President Barack Obama, Newsweek.  With President Barak Obama in large letters like that.

Ahh!  I love it.  I have hilarious plans for this sticker.  When I start my writing classes on Monday, I’m going to carefully unstick it from Netherland and stick it to the front of my writing notebook.  Ha ha ha.  Did I not tell you my plans were hilarious?  All I can even do is hope that someone notices it.  I’m laughing just thinking of that moment.

One by one I am crossing things off my Fall to-do list.  For instance, I bought a giant red bag.  I love it.  It’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a bag, including but not limited to being red.  I’ve also started carrying around skinny markers, so that instead of writing in black I have my choice of colors.  If you’ve ever been to my bible study, you know how important that is to me because I’m always passing out markers when I want people to write something.  Also because a tiny part of me has never stopped being 10 years old.  It’s probably the part that is so amused by the Barak Obama sticker.

Fall, I’d like you to meet Amy. Amy, Fall.

At first I thought fall wasn’t really coming because it was too early.  Then Labor Day weekend happened and I guess it’s true.  I mean, I can’t wear my white slacks anymore, although I never really wear white slacks.  Today I am wearing the white shirt my grandma got me (thanks grandma!) but I don’t think that counts.  Do shirts count?  All I know is this one’s cute and new and I’m wearing it.

So okay.  I could lament the Summer That Never Seemed to Happen, and the fact that my allergies kicked in July 1 instead of the usual August 29 rendering summer almost completely ineffectual, and the fact that I love summer but I didn’t do anything really summery (popsicles, reading outside) because I didn’t make it a priority,  or.  I could focus on the new season and not let this one go to waste.  It may seem like I’m choosing the former, but I’m trying to choose the latter.  Well.  I’m going to choose it really soon.  Right after this paragraph.

I started by painting my nails last night.  Red, my color for fall. 

I’ve got a whole list of stuff like that.  So it’s going to be great.

And, guess what!  I made a bracelet!  I’ve been wearing it for two days and it’s not broken or anything!  It’s black and silver, beads my mom picked out, actually, and it’s super cute.  It has a real clasp and everything.  I have two sets of earrings in the works, too, I just couldn’t finish them on time Saturday.  Maybe I’ll finish them tonight.  Anyway, I made jewelry with my mom (I told you I needed her to help) and she admitted it was hard, but we still figured it out.  I’m very proud of us and you should be too! 

Ugh.  My allergies are making any further writing unthinkable right now, so I’ll end here.  I’ll update more on my kick!  ass!  fall!  really soon.

Go visit a farmer, or a poet, someone who appreciates you, you stupid rain

It is raining ah. gain.  How can that even be?  Is there really that much available water in the sky?  Really?  Really?

I am sick of walking in the rain.  I am sick of babysitting my wet umbrella on the El so it doesn’t get too close to some other innocent rain victim.  I am sick of rain.  Summer wasn’t even good enough to pay for this.  I’m not like, “At least it was a beautiful summer,” because it wasn’t really.  Actually, it rained 4th of July weekend.  And that’s all I remember, that and eating Italian ice, because that’s the only day I had off work.  So there, rain, thanks a lot.

If I want to get gratitude-y, though, here’s something: I wore my new jacket today!  For my birthday, among other things (because my mom is wonderful) I got an adorable denim blazer jacket from Ann Taylor Loft.  Picture Rory Gilmore 6th season, when she’s living in the pool house and hanging out with Logan a lot.  So, since I got it for my birthday I obviously have not been able to wear it much because despite what I wrote above, it has been somewhat summery and OK, OK, it’s been hot out, so no jackets.  And today I get to wear my jacket!  And I look pretty cute, so, there.  Thanks rain for your contribution to my outfit today.

Mary Lee started school this week, and although that means a myriad of things for her,  it means one very special thing for me:  Coffee o’mornings.  When there are two people drinking coffee, it just makes sense to set the coffeemaker.  When it is one person, not so much.  So there goes my VIA summer.  Fall is really going to happen.  I’m wearing this jacket, it’s raining again. 

I guess fall is really beautiful, who needs summer anyway.  There are plenty of nice days coming up.  I’m– sure of it.

1, 2, 3, 4

I guess because I have nothing really to write about I will resort to the Amy Classic Post Format.  The list, complete with my own interview-style questions:

1.  Flowers on Desk this week?  Pink lilies, with little magenta prickly things mixed in.  They’re the purest pink lilies I have ever seen.

2.  Any mishaps today?  Actually, yes!  Of course, you know I’m wearing my infamous white shirt, the skirt that attracts mishaps the way a jukebox attracts drunk people.  In today’s episode, a pen burst in the bottom of my purse, leaking through the bag (my favorite bag ever, by the way) and right onto my white-skirted lap while I was sitting on the El.  Delightful.  And then, rummaging around in the bag later, I got ink all over my hands so I look a little like a crazy person.  I already tried using desk cleaner to get it off, but that method doesn’t seem to do anything.  At all.

3.  Oh No!  Does this mean you have to repaint your nails?  As a matter of fact, no.  I read on my favorite blog ever, All Lacqured Up, that you can just use Windex to get ink marks off nails.  Is that the most useful tip you’ve ever heard or what?

4.  What color is your nailpolish, anyway?  BLUE.  The most beautiful bright, vibrant sky blue ever.  I love it.

5.  What song to you have stuck in your head today?  Thankfully, not Total Eclipse of the Heart, which I had stuck in my head for approximately a week.  This morning I woke up with that one song, I’m not sure what it’s called.  It’s a church song that goes “Indescribable, uncontainable, you placed the stars in the sky and you know them by name” I think.  I don’t know, it has all those similar multi-syllabic words in it so I can never remember the exact words or their exact order.  Anyway, I’ve had it stuck in my head all morning.

6.  Seen any good movies lately?  Yes!  I just finished The Diving Bell and The Butterfly.  Besides the fact that I am the Biggest Sucker Ever for French movies with subtitles, seriously if I just hear people starting to talk in French I’m captivated, this was just a really good movie.  It was interesting and lively and amusing and touching and sad. 

7.  Weather.  Thoughts?  It’s beautiful out.  I’m glad it’s stopped raining, that was getting tiresome.  I have two adorable new jackets for fall, so I’m pretty pumped to see the weather change.  Not to mention excited about fall in general.

8.  And what does fall mean to you?  Starbucks caramel apple spice in my hand, a hood sticking out the back of my jacket, finally getting to wear a scarf, wanting to be outside every minute, going apple picking with Wayne, and of course, Thanksgiving and Midnight Thanksgiving, my two favorite holidays.  Although Midnight Thanksgiving is really just a whimsical dream I chase, the giant fish I always hope to catch but never do.  Anyway, the apple picking, we certainly have to do that.  And the mix cd contest, that too.  And wearing scarves, yes, definately.

9.  How’s the short hair treating you?  Fabulously.  I bought a smaller-barrelled curling iron.  It works much better.

10.  Any dreams or aspirations to speak of today?  I’m trying to make my own jewelry.  I’m excited at the prospect; I love love love handmade jewelry.  Love it.  It’s a consistant and inexplicable passion of mine.  Doesn’t it make sense that I would learn to make my own?  I’m a little intimidated though.  I keep taking out all my pieces and looking at them and saying, “yes, this is lovely, this will be lovely” but I’m scared to string them together and risk making such pretty beads look stupid.  Oh, I could make them look stupid, I’m sure of it.  I’m ten years old again, I want my mom to do it or something.  So when I get over my psychosis in that area, I’ll let you know.  I’ll be rocking all the stupid beautiful jewelry I made, so of course you’ll know.

Rainy

Today is rainy, but I’m getting better at my rainy day procedure.  First of all, I bring two sweaters, one with a hood, that’s the rainy sweater.  One without a hood, that’s the indoors sweater.  Second, I bring an extra pair of sandals too.  I know it sounds dumb, but sitting at my desk dripping wet for two hours isn’t my favorite thing.  Shoes and a sweater are easy to change at my desk, and small enough to carry easily.  Third, I try my darndest to remember my umbrella.  And fourth, I keep my iPod in a ziplock baggie because I don’t want a future filled with water damage and unreplacable toys.

Plus I am wearing my hair in a ponytail today.  It’s my first ponytail of the new haircut.  Oh!  I got a new haircut.  Hold on, let me back up.

Last week after three long soul-searching and identity-laden days I decided to chop off my hair.  In case you haven’t seen me or a picture of me in a long time, know this: I had pretty long hair.  I mean, not crazy lady waist length or anything.  But I’m petite, so it’s easy for long hair to sort of take over my frame and become a somewhat defining physical characteristic. 

But now I am living with a bob, just below chin-length.  And I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I feel lighter, easier, cooler.  Low maintanence.  I love washing it because it’s so quick and hardly requires any shampoo and then blow drying it takes like five minutes.  It’s fun to play with and curl and it takes product so well now.  Love, love, love having shorter hair.

So, back to my main story.  What was it?  Oh yeah, I pulled it into a ponytail today (due to rain and things) and even that’s cute.  Of course, I have to pin up the ends because they keep falling out.  But whatev.  I still love you, hair.

Wet Paint

When I see a sign for wet paint, it’s not just that I want to touch the paint.  It’s that I want to fling my entire body into the wall and roll around.  I’m talking paint in my hair, all over my clothes.  Smiling at passerbys, “Yep, didn’t listen to that sign there, did I?” while I wipe my paint-covered glasses on my shirt.  I believe that’s called “having a rebellious streak.”  In this fantastical scenario, I would be very careful not to get paint on anything else– I’m not out to sabotage say, the coffee maker or my office chair– pretty much just my own clothes and person.

There’s a sign for wet paint in the hallway at work by the bathrooms, that’s why I mention this.  It’s not a metaphor for my life or anything.  It’s just a fact about me– Secret goal number 1: Destroy somebody’s paint job and my own clothes someday.  Who knows, maybe I’ll get there.

Meanwhile, in a story about me submitting to the rules, I attended a Sox game this week and was given a flier that commanded me to bring a bag “no larger than 12×12.”  I think it included the word “forbidden.”  If you know anything about me or my bag tendencies, you know that that is like saying, “you must fit yourself into children’s shoes for the duration of the game”… it just can’t happen.  It doesn’t fit.  The bag I typically carry is big enough to be a diaper bag.   It’s the kind of bag that make doctors want to sit down with you and have a serious conversation about future back problems.

Anyway.  I spent some time on the eve of the game analyzing the contents of my purse, prioritizing, and ultimately downsizing.  I had to leave my sunglasses at home.  I had to carry my sweater and travel coffee mug separately.  I had to buy lunch, because I couldn’t bring one.  And when I got to the park, no one checked the size of my bag.  They checked my ticket six times, not a word about the bag.  Seriously.  And other women from work carried big bags.  And it was sunny and I had no shades!

Boy did I wish I rolled around in wet paint on that one.

Btw, did you know that the plural for passerby is passersby?  I don’t like it.  I’m refusing to use it.

Finally.

Finally, I bought five chapsticks.  It cost five dollars.  I put one on my nightstand, one on my dresser, one on my desk, one in my purse, one in my drawer at work.  So that’s the end of the Perpetually Lost Chapstick Chronicles.  Why I never thought of this before is beyond me.  It can’t be the outrageous price of chapstick. 

I’ve really got to get a move on with my summer reading list.  I might give myself some summer reading deadlines.  The Stand is really setting me back.  I’m taking a break from it.  Because I still have to read A Book of Common Prayer, Mysteries of Pittsburg, Wise Blood, How Fiction Works, and who knows what else.  What is the point of a summer reading list if you don’t at least get through some of it?  I ask you.

Last, I have a personal tragedy to relate.  I washed a tin of Lemon Cuticle Butter in a load of laundry.  Normally I am fastidious about sorting my laundry, cleaning out the pockets, flipping the socks.  Somehow this slipped through the cracks.  It’s basically a large tin of oil.  Oh, it didn’t ruin everything.  Just the really good stuff.   It was a load of pants, skirts, sweaters… the bulk of what I wear every day to work.

There are really only a couple pieces that I can never wear out of the house again.  Most of the oil spots are tiny, barely noticable, but a certain purple sweater might be finished.  A certain red skirt.  A pair of beige pants.  I wore a yellow sweater yesterday with spots, hoping it didn’t look like I spilled on myself.  We’ll see how much I end up having to actually replace!

Notice I didn’t put any of my new five chapsticks in my pocket.  Never again, laundry.  Never again!